Morning:
I generally consider the steroid cycle to be a 10 day affair, because historically by day 10 I always feel back to normal. I realized this the first time I did it, back in May 2016. I started the Dex on a Wednesday that time, and had signed up to run a color 5K with my daughter that next Saturday. We'd paid the money and she was looking forward to it, but I felt awful (as I've since learned that I always do on day 4 of the cycle), and it was a pretty rough day.
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| If you look really hard, you can see a distinct lack of twinkle in those eyes. This is a woman who is going through the motions, trying to fool her kid. |
I struggled through that week as I have every time since, although this first time I had more anxiety because it was all new and I didn't know what to expect. That time (as this time) just when I thought I could endure no more, my body turned a corner and each day started to feel a little better than the last. When Saturday came around again, I felt well enough that my daughter and I took the morning and went on our annual spring hike to the wind caves, a 3.5 (one way) mile hike that gains over 1,000 feet in elevation and provides beautiful views, ample time for mother-daughter chatting, and a real sense of accomplishment.
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| Instagram post from that Saturday. Full caption reads: "If you would have told me last Saturday that in one week is be hiking straight up a mountain with my muffin, I would have shot you one of my patented (but rarely seen) "looks of death". But that's exactly what happened. So grateful for the way this old body of mine takes care of business." |
I remember being amazed that my body, which had felt so week and frail only a week before had rebounded so completely.
I'm still amazed that my body is able to do this. I've done the Dex cycle 8 times now, and each time, it's awful and disruptive to my life and to our family "groove", and each time I feel sorry for myself that it's a part of my road. But each time, I make it out alive, and when I do, I'm more compassionate and more grateful and more humble than I was before.
I'll be honest, if I could wave a magic wand and banish ITP from my life, I'd do it so fast it would dislocate my elbow. But, the road isn't all bad, and the rewards for enduring it all feel more substantial than you often get from ordinary life. I feel like (and truly hope that) ITP is molding me into a better person than I was before, and I can't help but be grateful for that.
